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9/11/11

I don't know what to say today.  I've struggled with Facebook, Twitter, and general conversations with family.  9/11 brings me such a crushing sadness that sometimes I don't even want to talk about it.  I just prefer to sit alone and take in as many 9/11 TV specials as I can.

The worst part is, I didn't know a single person killed or injured that day.  I feel like beyond the patriotic duty of being saddened, I have no right to feel this way.  Then, I had discussions with some ladies on my local message board for moms.  Turns out a lot of people feel this way.  Or at least, a lot of those moms anyway.  Women my age, some a little younger, some older all talked of feelings bigger then them.  Feelings they couldn't understand.  I was comforted to know that I was not alone.

Ten years ago, I was recently graduated from college, living with my parents.  My only sibling was away at his first year of college.  And my parents were leaving for a small mid-week trip to a bed and breakfast.  My aunt called asking us to turn on the TV.  I was glued to it for the rest of the day.  She must have called early because I saw everything (the second plane, the towers falling, the Pentagon, Shanksville) happen live.  I didn't move from the TV for hours.  I spent much of the morning (from the chair in front of the TV of course) trying to reach my brother and updating my parents.  I didn't leave the house until the reporters started speculating about gas gouging.  I drove my car, then my dad's (a manual when I didn't know how to drive stick) to a nearby station to fill up.  Then chatted with my college friends for most of the night.  Just trying to talk out what was happening.

I am 32 years old.  Our generation had no idea what a national crisis looked like.  Yes, we'd seen things like devastating hurricanes and the OKC bombing.  We'd all been taught in school about Pearl Harbor.  However, nothing could have prepared me for that day ten years ago.  Maybe that's where the confusing and and weighted feelings come from.  I know only one thing.  I will never forget.

Taken from a friend's Facebook status (and edited for grammar):
For the husband who told his wife I love you one last time before his plane went down in a field.  For the wife who stopped in the stairs to call her husband to say I will love you forever.  For the mothers and fathers who kissed their kids goodbye the morning they died.  For the police and firefighters who rushed in and got others out only to die themselves.  For the soldiers who fought back for ALL of US and lost their lives. For everyone who died on 9/11... I will remember you...

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